Fabindia has come to an end...

I am sitting in a cyber cafe in Delhi. It is the same one where I, what seems like years back, wrote about my trip to Taj Mahal. Sanna and I are staying in the same hotel together with her mother and aunt, who has been in India the past week to visit her.
How can I describe the feeling inside of me? The voice in my mind which is screaming to me to go back to Bali immediately, go back to the school and my class VI, go back to the hostel kids, whom I miss so much now it hurts inside of me. 6 months, those 6 months that seemed to be never-ending, everlasting, suddenly tricked me and ran out. It is over, it will never come back. The memories, the faces, the voices of my children, my old grandfather, the noise of the streets, the colours of the women's sarees, the smiles of the post men, the yelling of the students in the school bus (Liv ma'am, sit here!!), the spicey food, the countless visits to families, ....... and I could continue indefinitely... all of it is so crystal clear in my mind, right on the inside of my eyelid. When I see Virendra's beautiful face, I feel the pressing in my throat, because I fell that i am leaving a little brother behind, for good. When I think about the big boys from class IX and X Dharam Jai, Khushpal and Naveen, with whom I've had countless of conversations about everything from studies to girls, love and marriages, I feel that I have left some very dear friends behind. Heena and Gajendra, the two siplings who came and visited me every single day after school to show me the new creative writing story the had written and to eat chocolate sent from Denmark in our private chocolate club. Lavina and Jinal, the two small girls from class II who wrote small letters to me and called me their sister. I miss them all so much, it is hard to put in words.
My last month in February was one of the best ones. I was so happy. We started visiting the villages of the hostel children and through that I got some of the most amazing experiences of my time here. First of all, it was fantastic to see the families of these children that I love so much, to see that they have parents who love them and sisters and brothers. Most of them come from well-off families in very small villagers. We visited Khushpal's village of 600 inhabitants and there, the children had never seen white people before, so our visit was quite an event. People lived in homemade houses with their cattle, living a poor, but also peaceful and safe life. They were as friendly as ever and I felt like a princess, being invited to chai with the poorest families, all of them smiling and welcoming us as goddesses. One old woman actually literally started bowing infront of us.
The same day we visited a big religous festival. There was no other foreigners at all, so we were treated as huge celebraties, was written about in the newspaper, had to have police escort, because so many people followed us around and were allowed to meet a holy guru, a follower of the god Shiva, which was a rare honour.
We visited two other villagers, of Divyraj from class IV and Ravindra Pal from class VII and both things I filled out several pages about in my diary. We drove tractors, did boating, met all the important people of the villages, was taken around to various temples and just treated in a way you have to look long for at home.
February was full of fun, full of hard work with the Annual Function the 10th February. I was responsible for the play rehearsals and that everything was coordinating well, and Sanna and Imogen was responsible for all the costumes. It ended up as a really good show with dances, play and songs, all of it about the importance of the environment. Nah, okay, the dances were just dances, hehe... Although we had had some real tribal girls to come and teach class V a tribal dance; that is slightly related to the environment isn't it?
I didn't want to think about my departure untill the very last moments. Last week, I spent almost 3,5 hours in the hostel every evening, just talking and being with them, those wonderful children that my heart is beating for. I enjoyed every minute with my class VI and my Chocolate Club and even the last day and last hours with the hostel were full of smiles and laughter and dancing. I had written a letter to each of the hostel children (there are 35) and to all my class VI (27) and various other students with whom I've had some good experiences. So the last evening, Sanna and I gave the hostel gifts, danced with them on the roof top and ate dinner with them. It was not until the last 2 mins when I started kissing all of the children goodbuy and hugged the big boys, that the tears came flowing from the deepest of my heart and they didn't stop until I was on Falna station, very late because we had spent so much time saying goodbuy. Sanna and I stayed up long and talked on the train while her mother and aunt were sleeping. I was reading some of the last letters I had received, laughed and cried.
Sanna's mother and aunt are leaving Delhi tonight and my flight to Bangkok is tomorrow evening, so I have some time here in Delhi. It is strange to think of that I in a bit more than a day am going to be in a completely different country. But I'll meet my best friends from home, Maj and Jacob and that is encouraging.

So, this is the last entry about my India fairytale. Or no, probably not. I have only been able to describe a fraction of everything here so perhaps I'll keep on writing small anecdotes. I am ever grateful for all of you, who have taken such a big interest in my life here and my experiences. I suddenly understand Johanna so much better, who still misses the kids and wants to go back to Rajasthan. When I first came I really didn't understand that anyone would want to come back to this inferno of a country, haha...
Now is the time to think back, smile, write letters, and try to find a meaning to all of this. I might be leaving India physically, but I will never leave it in my heart.
Perhaps I might even return. I will to this blog for sure. Very soon.
Namaste!